Mrtve ne treba micati / The dead should not be moved

By Monika Herceg
 

Šifra: KEPLER
MRTVE NE TREBA MICATI
(“Žene spadaju među najteže kolateralne žrtve pandemije koronavirusom”)

Likovi:

P (majka troje djece, žrtva obiteljskog nasilja)

K (prijateljica koja dolazi biti potpora P.)

1.   

/U dnevnom boravku za stolom sjede dvije žene. Rano je jutro. Malo dalje od njih leži tijelo muškarca u krvi. /

K: I govno je mrtvo?

P: Govno je mrtvo.

/Ode do njega. Gurka ga nogom/

Je. Mrtav je.

Jesi čuo?

Mrtav si.

Mrtav. Mrtav.

Nikad ih više nećeš taknuti.

P: I što sad?

K: A netko je već čuo i zvao. Sigurno.

P: Policiju?

K: Mislim, možda i nije. Kad me naganjo nitko nije zvao. Svi znaju, ali nikoga se ne tiče. Pa poslije kad me vide skrenu glavu. Fuj. A ja nisam skretala pogled, nisam.

Ja sam ih gledala u oči. Nikoga se ništa ne tiče. Bar me pogledaj, jebem ti mater.

Ali možda je zbilja sad već netko zvao.

P: Znači, čekamo.

K: A da.

P: Mrtav je?

K: Izgleda da je.

P: Znači gotovo je. Što ćeš im reći?

K: Ma sve oni znaju. Da nisam ja, mali bi ga zatuko nekad. Bolje ja nego on. Počeo je i njih, znaš. Ima godina dana. Ništa ne mogu. Ni ja nisam mogla. A ova dva mjeseca neizdrživo.

P: Pa jesi prijavila?

K: A znaš kako to ide. Susjedi mutavi. Nitko kao ništa ne zna. Pošalju socijalnu, oni pitaju jel sve dobro, on kaže da je divno i da sam ja luđakinja koja ne radi. On nas hrani, a ja serem po njemu koji sve daje nama i bori se za nas. I onda mene nalema.

P: Ali bila si im prijavila?

K: A otišla jednom i nisam bome više. Nisu crnog đavla napravili, rekli da izmišljam. Došli kao razgovarati s njim, on fin i sve, ispalo da ja serem, i poslije me natuko ko kravu.

Ma i trpila bih ja, ali je i njih počeo. Ubij mene, mater ti jebem bolesnu, ali gdje ćeš na svoju djecu. Ko da nije dosta što su gledali kako mene natjerava.

P: I što ćeš sad s njima?

K: Ma bolje da su u domu nego da ih on mlati? Valjda će ovi doći prije nego se vrate iz škole.

Ma ne znam ni sama. Jel bolje da ih ja dočekam pa im objasnim il netko. Jebeš sve to. Mislim, šta da im kažem, mater vam je ubila ćaću? Ali trebao ga je nekog ubit pa ajde neka sam ja.

Luka već svako malo bježi od kuće i zadnji puta prijetio je da će ga on sredit, dok spava. A i velik je on. Bojala sam se da stvarno bude. Školu sjebali svi od stresa. Pa zovu na roditeljski.

Kako da im jebote objasnim daj ti uči dok te netko lema svakih par dana? Nije to život.

Ima dva dana, trčao za malim da će ga zaklati. Dijete, koliko ima, sedam godina, se popišalo od straha, upišan spavao. Nisam smjela u sobu. Uzeo mene i mlatio jer sam rekla da se zaključa. Tek pred jutro kad je ovaj zahrkao kucala sam mu da uđem, da se presvučemo, da sam dobro.

A on, ma oka sklopio nije. A škola ujutro.

A ona s njim zaključana unutra.

Ma pišala je i ona od straha.

/tišina/

Nije mi žao, jel mi vjeruješ.

Bit će bolje bez njega.

Luka je već sjeban jako, možda se izvuče.

Ovo dvoje ima neke veće šanse. Bar ja mislim. Zaboravit će. Djeca zaborave.

P: Da kavu pristavim? Može će im trebati da dođu. Gdje ti je kava?

K: Ajde. Gore iznad sudopera. Ajmo na balkon da ga ne gledamo.

/P. stavi vodu na štednjak da zakuha, izađu na mali balkon/

 

P: Ali bila je samoobrana.

/P. ode skuhati kavu na malom štednjaku koji je metar od mrtvog tijela pa se vrati s dvije šalice na balkon./

 

K: Ma boli njih kurac što je bila. E toliko sam ja to već prolazila u glavi. Znaš. jako on udre i znala sam da ću morati vratiti. Boga mi, nisam htjela, ali nekad više ne možeš. Samo sam bila na krivom mjestu. Kužiš, ovdje me uhvatio, a nož od kruha ostao tu na stolu i kad me pritisno, kad me krenuo davit, mislila sam gotovo je, ubit će me i samo sam nož uzela.

Nisam htjela. Ali nije ni bitno. Ko da jesam. Neka sam.

P: A oće on sad vako ležati dolje ili da ga maknemo da ne smeta? Treba i tu krv oprati možda.

K: Ne znam ni sama. Mislim, znaš da kažu na filmovima da mrtve ne treba micati.

P: E nisam te pitala, oćeš mlijeka?

K: Ma ne znam ni je ima u frižideru. Ako ima, može.

/P. preskače preko mrtvaca do frižidera i uzima mlijeko/

P: Ima, ima, taman za dve kave.

/P. natoči mlijeka u kave, zaobiđe mrtvaca i odnese kavu na balkon na mali stolić.

1. počne srkati kavu/

 

K: Ma jesi je vala skuhala. Jel nije tebi ovo ko voda?

P: Ma šta me jebeš. Vidiš da je stresna situacija, a ti bi poštenu kavu.

K: Je, je. Stre-sna! Baš stresna!

 

/Puknu se smijati obje./

K: Daj mi samo obećaj da ćeš, kad ih odvedu, bacit oko na njih i da ćeš mi pomoć da me dođu posjetiti. Nisam ja čudovište, znaš to. Stvarno nisam.

P: Hoću. Ma mora se to srediti nekako. Bila je samoobrana.

K: Ma toliko sam priča bila čula da nisam sigurna. Jebote, ispast će na kraju da sam ja kriva za sve. Tako ti to bude. Žena je uvijek kriva, moja ti. Ali neka. Bar će oni imati šansu.

P: Ma znam. Nego, meni je sumnjivo ovo, nitko ne dolazi. Ja mislim da ti nitko nije zvao muriju.

K: A velim ti, može bit. Ovdje se nikog ništa ne tiče.

P: Pa oćemo zvati?

K: Ajmo ne još. Da kavu popijemo u miru.

P: Ja sam taman bila računala da idem na plac po stvari za ručak kad si me zvala. Mislila raditi mlince i piletinu. Mojima to najdraže.

K: Ma stići ćeš. Kavu popijemo u miru, nazovem, a ti bježi da tebe još ne bi zajebavali.

P: E a da te pitam, što si ovdje po balkonu sadila? Jel ovo začinsko bilje?

K: Je, je. De poberi sve, kome će ostati.

/P. bere iz teglica peršin, kopar, bosiljak./

P: A da mi njih ipak prije nazovemo? Da ti ne bi srali što si čekala pa da ti još to ne našteti?

Kao, da si se predomišljala, jel.

K: Ma ne da mi se. Ja mislim da će bit isti kurac kad ih nazvala.

P: Dobro.

K: A kako su tvoji?

P: Ma onako, ide. Klinci guraju školu, ovaj moj nije baš toliki kreten, tu i tamo se zapije pa onda zajebava, ali već sam naučila da samo moram šutit od njega. Moja mater, pokoj joj duši. nije znala zatvorit usta i onda je uvijek dobila.

K: Ma ja nisam bila takva, jel mi vjeruješ. Ovaj bi lemao šutila il pričala. Ništa nije pomagalo.

P: Ma vjerujem.

K: A što će ti mala upisati? Ona sad završava osnovnu, jelda?

P: A bit će valjda ekonomska. Gimnazija je rizična. Znaš, ako ne bude para za fakultet, kako će onda, ostati bez zanimanja. Ovako ima četverogodišnju školu, ako baš zainati, može i studirati nešto. A može i radit.

K: Ma da. Tako i moj Luka, otišao u prehrambenu. Ma i lijen je, neće učit. A i kad nema u kući mira, kako da uči. Ali ima još godinu, valjda bude to. Mora završiti školu.

Malo mi je žao, da sam se samo suzdržala, da on makar završi i bude svoj čovjek. Da ga ne mučim s domovima. Ali ispalo je kako je ispalo.

Znalo mi je pasti na pamet, znaš. Da po noći sjednem na njega s nožem i samo ga prikoljem. Ko svinju. Da završim to. Ma šta znalo. Već godinu dana svaki dan se s tim budim, pomislim to je to kad vidim da je opet prema njima takav, pomislim večeras ću ga. Valjda je bilo samo pitanje vremena. Može žena svašta, ali da joj djecu neko dira, to ne može.

Srce mi je smrvljeno otkako ih gledam tako.

Oni su mi sve, znaš. Jedino dobro što sam napravila.

Ubila bih još sto puta za njih da moram.

Jel mi vjeruješ. Još sto puta. Bez razmišljanja.

Ona moja mala, to je najumiljatije dijete na svijetu. Već s tri godine sve priča

i zna brojati. Pa se stisne, kaže mama ja tebe volim.

Kako netko može dići ruku na tako nešto? A i nju je znao dohvatiti. Pa dijete išlo

s masnicama. I nitko ništa ne pita. Da su barem pitali. Jebem im ja mater.

Da je barem netko pitao. Pomogao. Da je prijavio.

Ja nisam mogla sama. Probala sam. Ali kome da se obratim?

Ma trebala sam i prije. Odmah kad je krenuo na njih. Zaklat ga ko svinju.

Ali nisam imala muda. Nisam imala.

Možda ne bi morali proći sve to i opet ovo.

Možda bi bilo lakše.

/tišina/

P: Nego, jesu ti ovaj stol i stolica iz Ikee? Baš su mi udobni, a ne zauzmu prostora. Taman i ja tražim za balkon ovako nešto.

K: Je. Ikea. Naručila ima pola godine. I meni se baš super učinilo. E nisam te pitala, oćeš neke kekse, nešta? Ja volim slatko malo uz kavu.

/Ode do kuhinje. Preskoči mrtvog muža. Uzme napolitanke iz kuhinjskog elementa. Otvori ih, naspe u tanjur, muža ni ne pogleda. Po povratku ga preskoči opet i vrati se na balkon./

K: Znaš što sam sad nedavno isto nabavila? Onaj mali strojić, kako se to zove, za pečenje vafla. Djeca se guše u njima, a možeš unutra i vafle raditi i tost peći.

P: A ne kužim, to kupiš pa samo prepečeš onda kao tost ili?

K: E ne, napraviš kao za palačinke smjesu pa saliješ unutra u kalupe i pečeš.  Nije komplicirano. Ima na Internetu svuda recepata. Meni iscurilo smjese par puta na početku, ali brzo skužiš koliko trebaš staviti u kalup da bude taman.

P: E vidiš, to bi mogla, malo za neku promjenu da probaju.

K: Jako su fini. Mekani ko duša. Bolje nego palačinke. Barem meni.

 

/Tišina. Srču kavu, gledaju s balkona./

K: Da zovem, a?

P: A nemaš više što čekati. Da ovi dođu prije djece. Da nemaju još i taj šok da ga gledaju.

K: A da. Možda bolje da ih podignu oni pa im objasne.

/K. isprati P. do vrata. Vrata se zatvaraju. K. uzima telefon u ruke. Sjeda na kauč.

Gleda prema mrtvom tijelu supruga. Tipka broj od policije/ 

 

K: Dobar dan. Htjela bih prijaviti da mi je muž mrtav.

//Kraj.

 

Editorial note: With the outbreak of the Covid-19 pandemic and putting locks on domestic doors, the patriarchal fist landed too many times on the bodies of women and children. Feminist groups in Croatia have been sending out warnings about the pandemic of domestic violence, given that every 15 minutes at least one woman suffers from severe physical violence. After the recent murder of a female cashier by her former partner and father of her child, women in Split called for justice for women and children, as well as for the accountability of those enabling and committing femicide. In Croatia, at least 12 women were killed last year, and 19 in the previous year after the emergence of the coronavirus pandemic. Sexual abuse and rape are also on the rise, with over 165 reported cases last year.

 

Cipher: Kepler
THE DEAD SHOULD NOT BE MOVED

 (“Women are the most common collateral victims of the coronavirus pandemic”)

Protagonists:

P – mother of three children, the victim of family abuse
K – a friend that comes to express her support

/Two women are sitting at the table in the living room. It is early morning. A few feet away lies a body of a man in a puddle of blood.

K: And the asshole is dead?

P: The shit is dead.

/Walks to him, pokes him with her leg.

P: He is. He is dead.

Did you hear that?
You are dead.
Dead. Dead.

You are not going to touch them ever again.

K: So, what now?

P: Someone has heard by now and called. Someone must have.

K: Police?

P: You know, maybe not. When he chased me, no one called. Everyone knows, but it is of no one’s concern. And when they see me later, they turn their head. Yuck! And I did not divert my look, I did not. I watched them in their eyes. No one cared. Look at me at least, you motherfucker. Maybe someone has called by now.

K: So we wait.

P: Well, yes.

K: He is dead?

P: It looks like he is.

K: That means it’s over. What will you tell them?

P: They know it all. If it weren’t me, the kiddo would have knocked him down eventually. Better me than him. You know, he started beating them too. It’s been a year. I couldn’t do anything. I could do nothing. These past two months were unbearable.

K: Did you report it?

P: You know how this goes. Neighbors are dumb. Pretending they know nothing. They send social service here, they ask if things are cool, he says all is wonderful and that I am a jobless psycho. They say he feeds us, and I crap him out although he is the one who gives us all and fights for us. And then he beats the hell out of me.

K: So you reported it before?

P: Once I was there, and never went again. They didn’t do a thing, they would say I am making things up. They came to talk to him, he was nice and all, it looked like I was making things up, and then he thwacked me like a cow. I would put up with it for longer, but he started beating them. Kill me, you sick motherfucker, how can you beat your children. As if it wasn’t enough that they watched you chasing me down.

K: What are you going to do with them now?

P: They’ll be better off in the foster care, better than if he beats them. Hope these guys will come before they come back from school. I can’t decide if it is better that I meet them and explain what happened, or someone else. Fuck all that. I mean, what should I tell them, your mom killed your dad? Someone should have killed him, so it’s better it was me. Luka has been running away from home for a while and even threatened he would kill him while he sleeps. He is big now. I was afraid that would happen. School got totally screwed from all the stress. They called to talk to me. How could I explain, fuck, that you can’t study while someone is beating you every few days? That is not life.

Two days ago he chased the little one and said he would cut his throat. Child, how old is he now, seven, peed in his pants, slept wet in his pee. He didn’t let me enter the kid’s room. He pushed me away and beat me because I told the kids to lock their room.
And he, he did not sleep all night long. And had school in the morning.
And she was locked in with him.
She also peed in her pants, from all the fear.

/silence

I don’t feel sorry, can you believe it?
It’ll be better without him.
Luka is already fucked up, maybe he finds the way out.
These two have a better chance. At least I think that. They will forget. Kids forget.

K: Should I make coffee? It might take time for them to come. Where do you keep coffee?

P: Let’s. Above the sink. Let’s sit on the balcony so we don’t look at him.

/K. put the water on the stove so it can heat up, they go to the balcony.

K: But this was self-defense.

/K. goes to make coffee on a little stove, a few steps away from the dead body, and then returns to the balcony with two cups.

P: They don’t give a fuck about whether this was self-defense or not. My head has been going over it again. You know, he really hits hard and I knew I needed to hit back. I swear to God, I didn’t want to, but sometimes you really cannot anymore. I was in the wrong place. You understand, he grabbed me here, a bread knife was there on the table and when he pressed me, when he started choking me, I thought I was done, he’ll kill me, and I just took the knife.

I didn’t want this. That doesn’t matter anymore. As if I did. I better have done it.

K: Should he be lying down like this, or should we move him away so he’s not on the way? Maybe this blood should be washed.

P: I have no idea. I mean, you know how they say in the movies that the dead should not be moved.

K: Hey, forgot to ask, need any milk?

P: I don’t even know if there’s any in the fridge. If there is, I’ll take some.

/K. steps over the dead man to reach the fridge and takes milk.

K: There is, there is, just enough for two cups of coffee.

/K. pours milk in coffee cups, passes by the dead man, and takes coffee to the small table on the balcony.

/K. starts sipping coffee.

P: What kind of coffee this is? Doesn’t this taste like water to you?

K: Stop fucking with me. See how the situation is stressful, and you want a delicious coffee.

P: It is. Stress-ful. Quite stressful.

/Both burst into laughter.

P: Please just promise me that you will, when they take them away, look after them, and help them to come to visit me. I am not a monster, you know that. I am really not.

K: I will. There must be a way out. This was self-defense.

P: I heard so many stories and am not sure. Fuck, in the end, they will blame me for everything. The woman is always guilty, my dear. Let it be. At least the kids will have a chance.

K: I know. But, this is really odd, no one is coming. I think no one called the cops.

P: I tell you, this is quite likely. No one here cares.

K: Shall we call?

P: Let’s not call yet. Let’s finish our coffees in peace.

K: I was just about to go to the market to get stuff for lunch when you called. I was thinking of making chicken with grinders. My family loves it.

P: You’ll make it. Let’s finish our coffees in peace, and then you run so they don’t screw you.

K: Hey, wanted to ask, what did you plant here? Herbs?

P: Yeah, yeah. Take it all, for whom will it stay?

/K. takes parsley, dill, and basil from the pots.

K: Shall we call them now? So they don’t accuse you of waiting for too long, which could cause more damage? As if you were changing your mind?

P: I don’t want to. It will be the same shit.

K: Okay.

P: How are yours?

K: Okay, it’s going. Kids are pushing hard the school. My husband is not such a jerk, from time to time he gets drunk and fucks us up, but I learned to shut up. My mother, rest in peace, didn’t know how to shut her mouth, and then she would always get it.

P: I wasn’t like that if you believe me. This one would beat me when I would shut up or talk. Nothing would help.

K: I believe you.

P: Which school will your girl go to? She is finishing elementary now, right?

K: Economy, I think. A gymnasium is risky. You know, if there is no money for college, she would be left without a vocation. This way she will finish a four-year school, and if she really wants she can go to college afterward. Or she can work.

P: Right. My Luka’s going to school for food science. And he’s lazy, won’t study. But he also doesn’t have any peace at home, how could he! He’s got one more year, hopefully he finishes it. He must finish school.

I feel sorry now, if I could just refrain for a bit longer, so he could finish school and be his own man. So I wouldn’t torture him with foster care. But it is what it is.

Sometimes it’d come to mind, you know. That I could sit on him in the middle of the night and just slaughter him. Like a pig. And end this. It didn’t only cross my mind. It’s been a year that I’ve been waking up with it, I thought about it every time he treated them that way, I thought, then I’ll do it tonight. I guess it was a question of time. A woman can do all sorts of things, but to have anyone touch her children, that can’t pass.

My heart is broken ever since seeing them that way.
They are my world, you know. The only good thing I made.
I would kill a hundred more times if I had to.
Do you believe me? Hundred more times. Without thinking.

My little girl is the most cuddly child in the world. She is only three, and she talks and counts. She squeezes next to me and says mama I love you.
How can you beat someone so, so little? He’d grab her too. The child had bruises.
And no one asked a thing. If they just asked. Motherfuckers!
If someone just asked. Helped. Reported.
I could not do it by myself. I tried. But to whom should I talk?

I should have done it earlier. Immediately when he touched them. Slaughter him like a pig.
But I had no balls. I had none.
Maybe they wouldn’t have had to go through all of that and this now.
Maybe it would have been easier.

/silence

K: Anyway, are these table and chairs from Ikea? They are so comfortable and don’t take up much space. I’m looking for something like this for my balcony.

P: Yes. Ikea. Ordered those about half a year ago. They seemed great. Hey, forgot to ask, want cookies, anything? I like to have a bite of sweet with my coffee.

/Goes to the kitchen. Jumps over dead husband. Takes cookies from the kitchen cabinet. Opens the wrap, puts it on a plate, doesn’t even glance at the husband. As she returns, she jumps him over and returns to the balcony.

P: You know what I recently bought too? That little machine, what’s it called, a waffle maker? Children love those, and you can do waffles and toast with it.

K: I don’t get it, you buy it and then toast it? Or?

P: Not really, you make the dough just like for pancakes and then pour in the mold and then bake. It’s not complicated. There are recipes all over the Internet. The mix I made leaked a couple of times when I first started making them, but soon you figure how much of the mix should you put in the mold so it fits well.

K: See, I could do that, for a change, make them try.

P: They are really tasty. Soft as a soul. Better than pancakes. At least to me.

/Silence. They sip coffee, watching from the balcony.

P: Shall I call, ha?

K: There is nothing to wait for anymore. So they can come before kids. So they don’t experience shock seeing him like that.

P: Right. Maybe it’s better police get them from school and explain to them what happened.

/P. walks K. to the door. Door’s closing. P. grabs the phone. Sits on the couch. Looks over to the husband’s dead body. Dials police number.

P: Good afternoon. I would like to report that my husband is dead.

// The end.